(Alarm goes off at 6)
Legs: What, already?! Do we really have to ride in this morning?
Me: Not for 5min, I’ll hit the snooze.
Legs: We are so tired & the top of our thighs hurt!
Me: You’re always tired on a Wednesday morning. And the thighs thing is from cricket on Sunday. We’re riding in. It’ll be easy, all roads this morning on the crosser and you won’t have put in a lot to go faster. Go on, you’ll thank me in an hour.
(Out on the road)
Legs: Lets just start off in the little ring until we warm up a bit.
Me: OK, nice idea.
Legs: We’re struggling down here! Stop trying to push us so hard!
Me: It’s not me, it’s the bloody headwind. Stop moaning and spin in a nice rhythm. I’m trying to go easy.
Legs: It’s not too late to turn around…
Me: yes it is
Legs: no it isn’t, we could be back in 10 minutes.
Me: Y.E.S I.T I.S T.O.O L.A.T.E!!!!
Legs: Mild breeze my @®$€! You can tell that meteorologists don’t ride bikes!!!!
Me: Look, we’re coming up to the busy road-5km of impatient drivers and close passing. I need to concentrate real hard and do that without you constantly belly aching. Do want me to get knocked off and you guys be in plaster for a couple of months followed by months of rehab. Worse still, there’s the immediate searing pain of broken bones to contend with…
Finger: yeah legs you don’t know how good you’ve got it.
Bum crack: Hey! Who turned on the cold tap?!
Back: Don’t look at me. I wasn’t the one who decided not to wear a base layer this morning!!!
Shoulder: You know what? This set up on the hoods is way better. How come we didn’t do this last week?
Me: because I like the trails better and it’s less dangerous. Besides, pain is just weakness leaving the body. I’m glad you like being on the hoods though…
Legs: Yeah shoulder, cut it out- you don’t have to do anything up there!! Are we nearly there yet?
Me: Yes, we’re nearly there. Well done. Just think about that great tail wind that we’ll have on the way back this evening! And I’ve packed the short sleeve top because it will be 23°C!
Arms: Yay!!!!! Will it be sunny?
Me: I suppose so. This is England in September-anything is possible.
(Later that evening)
Me: Yay! Sunny, warm and dry. Lets go!!
Legs: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, AWESOME!!!!!
(15km later after a climb)
Legs: I’m so not done yet, how far to go?
Me: 10km. Want more?
Stomach: I’m feeling peckish. Any chance of a snack?
Me: Nope. Dinner as soon as we hit home.
Stomach: Well I’m not going any further than that 10km if I don’t have a snack. If you ignore me, the legs are gonna have a worse time of it than this mornings trivial wind!
Legs: OK but can we have protein and pasta for dinner? Can we? Ooooooo please can we? Please, please, PLEEEEEASE?!
Me: OK but let’s put the hammer down and get there ASAP.
Legs: Were pretty beat. Do we really have to ride again tomorrow?